I made big progress this weekend on becoming even more the kind of man I want to be. This weekend, I demolished our downstairs bathroom with my brother-in-law. Knocked off the tiles, ripped out the walls and took out the sink, toilet and bathtub. I had never done anything like that in my life and it was a ton of work. I have cuts all over my hands from the damn metal mesh embedded in the concrete they used to use in old houses like ours. Nasty stuff. While Gem and Uncle H seem to think it is going to look gorgeous, I can’t see it yet. But I’ll tell you what I did see.

I saw the look on my Okapis’ faces when they saw the toilet sitting in the backyard. I saw the look on their faces when they saw how hard I was working. I saw the look on their faces when they realized the bathtub was now sitting in the backyard. I saw their faces when we started putting some of the walls back up. I saw their faces when I explained to them the pretty tile we picked was going to cover the walls and that we would put a new toilet, sink and even a shower stall in the bathroom.

They seemed impressed.

I am good at being Daddy. I love being Daddy. It has been so much easier for me to be myself, to be sweet, caring and affectionate with them. It has been easy to be loving with them. It is has been much harder to be more “manly.” It has been harder to show them sports even though I love sports. It has been harder to teach them how to play, to watch it with them on TV, to share my love for it with them.

I’m sure they get I am responsible, that I do what I need to do – even if they don’t fully understand that I do it to support them. I am sure they see men can be sweet and sensitive and even fun and funny. I had to learn that the hard way, by becoming that myself with no role model. But they have never seen me do stereotypically “manly” things, like working on the house. Maybe they have seen me put together a bookcase, but that’s not the same. I grew up not knowing a single thing about taking care of a house and I want it to be different for them. I know they will learn so much easier if they see me do it. I know they will learn men can be both macho and sensitive if I model it for them.

They seemed truly amazed when I picked each one up, brought them into the bathroom in my arms and showed them where everything used to be and what we would put in its place. They seem excited about having a slightly bigger bathroom, with more room to move around. Maybe even another place for them to shower as they are beginning to get into showering.

“I wanna go back in the bathroom with Daddy,” Elijah yelled in excitement during Jordyn’s turn.

When we called Nana yesterday afternoon, the first thing they each told her was that Daddy and Uncle H were working on the bathroom. Maybe I made it up, but I think they were proud of their Daddy.

So am I.