I had already switched channels, from SportsCenter, which I was watching, to Noggin, what they wanted to watch, because I could feel there was going to be a problem this morning. My girl woke up crying and, as you can imagine, that is never a good sign. She was momentarily distracted by the TV (64 Zoo Lane – a great idea poorly executed in my humble opinion), but before long she started crying for me to stay home.

“I don’t want you to go,” she cried. (more…)

I’m off today so that I can go to my Okapis’ school and celebrate Shabbat with them. So I had a couple of hours with them this morning before I even took them to school. We had such a lovely time. We did some bird watching out back – despite the torrential downpour we are experiencing. We cuddled and tickled and played together and it was absolutely lovely.

Then I took them to school. (more…)

Last night was Daddy’s Night at the Okapis’ school and it was really quite enjoyable. I’ve been meeting most of their school friends because of parties or the few times I have gotten to take them to school this year, but seeing them all in one place and meeting their dads – instead of their mothers, was a good experience.

Daddy’s Night was basically their school day squished into an hour. (more…)

Dear Ms.,

I am sorry I got frustrated with you in the doctor’s office last week. We had been waiting for over an hour and I was frustrated, hungry, and stressed. Though if I was to be completely honest, as I watched your child and the way you “parented” him while sitting there waiting for the doctor to call my little girl’s name, I found myself getting more and more appalled and disturbed.

I know you think you are doing him a favor, but what you don’t understand is not only the damage you are doing, but the amount of effort it will take on your part to overcome this damage.

It didn’t take long to notice there was a problem between you two. (more…)

Putting them to bed last night was so emotionally depleting. I’m trying to be as patient with both of our Okapis as possible, but it is really taking a toll. Jordyn threw so many tantrums in a row last night that she lost track of why she was upset and every tiny little thing I said set her off all over again. They are both SO EXHAUSTED because they are not getting enough sleep. While I was nebbying Jordyn, she could barely keep her eyes open and it is like that almost every night now. A couple of nights ago Elijah started screaming at me and when I asked him what was going on with him, he cried out, “I’m SOOOOOO tired, Daddy.”

At first we thought it was our fault. With the absence of nap, we realized we were getting them to bed too late. But in the past 4-5 days we have worked very hard to shift our schedule at night and quicken the pace in which we do everything in order to get them to bed 45 minutes earlier than we used to.

Of course, now they are waking up about 45 minutes earlier than they used to. So they are STILL exhausted. And, you know what that means; cranky, temper tantrums galore, no patience, and utter misery for all of us.

Last night, Jordyn even had the gall to tell me that she now wants nap after fighting us – especially Gem - for months on this issue. Even worse, when Gem made it possible for them to take a nap on Saturday, they refused.

I believe more and more everyday that all of the issues they are struggling with are made immeasurably worse because of lack of sleep. Yet, we seem utterly helpless to get them to sleep more or to understand how much they need sleep.

The thing is, they are sleeping through the night on average about 6 nights a week, so they are getting a good night’s sleep. It is just that it is not enough sleep. They are probably short about 1-1.5 hours a night. How to get them that extra sleep seems to be one of the seven mysteries of the universe.

I know with Spring actually arriving it is now brighter and noisier outside and that must make it more difficult for them to sleep as late as they used to. I mean, those birds must think it is some hip Comedy Club outside our house, because they are heckling the crap out of somebody, making enough noise to affect a Richter Scale.

What I really want to do is figure out how to set up a system in their room that includes blackout curtains, night lights that dim as the morning approaches and sound proofing that blocks out the noisy birds. Hey, a dad can dream can’t he?

But what made last night even more depleting was after her 472 tantrums in a row, she came up to me while I was reading our books to Elijah (I had to start without her she was so out of control).

“Daddy?”

“Yes.”

“Sometimes at night…Most times at night I feel lonely.”

My girl is really going through it. Between her awareness of death, her separation anxiety, us moving at some point in the near future and her overwhelming lack of sleep, she is an emotional wreck. There just seems so little I can do to help her.

“You may feel alone when we put you to bed,” I tried to explain to her. “But you’re never lonely because so many people love you. I love you. Mommy loves you. Elijah loves you.” And I went on to name all of the people (or at least a lot of the ones) who love her.

I’ve been working on the assumption that this phase she is going through is temporary, that it will end. But I’m beginning to worry (hey, you gotta go with your strengths, right?) that maybe this is dragging on long enough that permanent damage is being done to my little girl’s psyche. Where she was once strong and independent, assertive and fearless, she has become riddled with fear and anxiety. Will that really just go away on its own?

I don’t know anymore. But we have to figure out something to get them some sleep, because despite how little control we seem to have over it, we have more control over her sleep than any of the other issues affecting her right now.

Literally. Back in 1999, Gem and I were not even married (though, in a few months we would be) and living in what she calls “The Greatest City in the World” (or GCW for short) in a one-bedroom apartment. We both had jobs, no Okapis, and thus had disposable income. Sure it was exciting that 1999 turned into 2000, but it was more exciting to be able to go out and have fun without any thoughts of Okapis, babysitters, or having to get up early the next morning because they have not learned to sleep late on the weekends, yet.

On Friday, after she put the Okapis to bed, we hopped back on the train and went to GCW for a friend’s birthday party at a club called Forbidden City. I felt so hip, hanging out in a hip bar on a Friday night. Man, I can be so cool. HA! (more…)