I am relieved to announce that our Ten Days of Decadence are over! That means we have 50 weeks to deprive our Okapis until next year.

This year, Chanukah ended on my birthday (Friday the 22nd), which we celebrated at my wife’s parent’s house with more cake and more presents for everyone. At one point during that Friday night my wife turned to me and said, “Thank goodness the presents are over for a year.”“Uhm…Monday.”

Did I mention my wife’s family celebrates Christmas?

“Oh right! Monday is Christmas.” Which, of course, meant more presents! I actually had done the same thing a bit earlier, thankful it was all over and then remembering about Christmas with a slap to my forehead.

Many of you know that December is a pretty crazy month - especially for us. I hope you’ll read about our ten crazy days over at DadBloggers.

Happy New Year to you and your family from me and my family of Okapis!

On the subway this morning, I saw a man holding his baby in a Baby Bjorn. We were in the first car, and for those of you who don’t ride the subway regularly, that means he could look out the front window and see the tracks and tunnel. He was showing his baby how exciting it was out there and he was telling her all about it. But soon he started whispering in her ear, always keeping his hands in contact with her, squeezing her leg, her knee, her foot. The intensity of his whispers, the length of what he had to say, caught my attention.

She couldn’t have been more than five or six months old yet he had so much to tell her. By the time my stop came, he was talking directly to her, caressing her face, letting her do the same to him, the beginning of a beautiful love affair between Daddy and daughter that will  hopefully last a lifetime and have the kind of profound affects on her that research suggests. This man, her Daddy, by starting now with such a special relationship with his daughter, is helping to ensure that she will have higher self-esteem, will do better in school, and will start having sex later on in life, when she is more mature and more responsible.

I could barely take my eyes off of them, with all of this running through my mind. I never had this much to say to my Okapis when they were babies – it was one of the most frustrating times for me as a Dad. I was uncomfortable and speechless – the exact opposite of this guy. I thought about how he seemed to be in his own world, unaware, uncaring about those around him, about being on the subway in NYC, about anyone who might be judging him because is clearly in love with his baby girl. I wished I had had the courage to talk to him, but also would not have wanted to interrupt their moment together.

I thought about this generation of fathers and how we are different and hopefully will continue to be different than previous generations. I thought about how we are trying to balance our lives in ways our fathers and grandfathers never imagined. I felt hope that there are fathers out there who are really making it happen every day, taking advantage of the moments with their babies to enjoy them and their relationship.

Then I started looking forward to an early holiday departure from work so I could go home and see my Okapis and have some special time with them.

My little girl has almost always been much more of a talker than her brother. When we would go out somewhere together – just the two of us - she and I would always have something to talk about. She has always been very verbal and talkative. With Elijah, it was always a bit harder. He and I could share music (we both love hip-hop), but beyond that, he wasn’t exactly garrulous.

I went to the bookstore with Elijah over the weekend and I’m not sure if he ever stopped talking. It is possible he didn’t even take a breath, he talked so much. I’ve got to say, my son has become quite the conversationalist. My shy little boy was asking me if we could look at the children’s section. He wanted to show me the space that looks like, well…outer space in the Borders because it has the solar system on the wall and rug. He wanted to go upstairs, to look at different music, to look at that poster, to go back downstairs, to look at the books on snakes, on birds, on flowers, and on more animals. He wanted to hold my hand while we went up the stairs (which was LOVELY!), he wanted to walk over there and then back here. He knew what he wanted and wasn’t shy about telling me. He had questions and wasn’t afraid to ask. He had stuff to tell me and he told me.

The whole experience was a bit overwhelming because I’m so focused on him I can barely hear what I am thinking, always trying to come up with new stuff to show him, to share with him, to answer his questions as best as I can. It’s funny because I have heard parents talk about this developmental stage before, but had never experienced it myself. But it is awesome that he has become so comfortable to be himself or, dare I say, confident with himself. I loved how much fun he seemed to have and how uninhibited he seemed to feel. This wasn’t a rare event either; he has been like this several times in the past week.

I think he is beginning to blossom even more in front of our eyes and it is a beautiful sight to see.

There is so much, so many emotions pulsing, coursing, driving through me, swirling in my stomach, flooding my eyes, accelerating my heart. My post last week about how I feel about my job triggered some interesting responses, but it also allowed me to get past that and go deeper. It is not just about my job and how it affects me; it is about who I am and what I am leaving on the table every day.

As crazy as this sounds, I saw Rocky Balboa this weekend. We saw the 5:00pm show and I was still nauseous by 10:00pm from all of the emotions it whipped up. (more…)

A couple of days ago on the train I bumped into a friend of mine. Ironically, this friend of mine, a fellow father, and I only know each other because two years earlier, his wife and I had met taking the same train. She and I had bonded over our children having birthdays in the same week and we have been friends ever since.

Our conversation started with us venting about the state of our lives. That morning I hadn’t gone to sleep until about 4am because Elijah had gone insane and wouldn’t go to sleep (though I have since wondered if it was a strange reaction to medication he was taking). My friends have two children, one a year older than my Okapis and one two years younger and they have been having some struggles with their younger one, their daughter. He talked about her for a little bit.

Soon we were talking about how insane it all is. We’re both middle class families. Both he and his wife work outside the home, while I am the sole breadwinner as Gem works to care for our Okapis. We face financial challenges because of one income. They face schedule challenges because they have one child in school and one in day care and my friend ends up getting to work late by at least 30 minutes every day and has to leave 30 minutes early every day to drop off and pick up their kids. Both of us are drained and exhausted from our day only to come home and try to be the best Dad we can to our children. We want to be better than our Dads were, we want to be what our children need us to be, but the toll seems awfully high on both of us.

“I know I should wake up early and meditate or something, but I just can’t do it. I know I need to do something else for me, but it is so hard. This morning I moved the weights in the basement to make it easier for me to use them if I want tonight,” my friend explained to me.

I talked about how I try to guarantee myself one train ride a day where I sit and read and try to give myself time to recuperate from my day. We talked about pleasure reading and listening to music. He mentioned that he has been listening to audio books in his iPod.

Then I told him how sometimes I will listen to the “Wait! Wait! Don’t Tell Me” Podcast and how it really helps. He told me about how he has been listening to Comedy Central stand up comedian clips – just a couple of minutes from a stand-up comedian that are pretty funny. I told him about the Sunday Puzzle as well.

As we parted to start our days at work, I realized I felt better and hoped he did, too. We started off venting, but ending sharing our secrets, our tricks to help keep us sane, to help us be the kind of husband and father we want to be. For me, it felt great to hear once again I am not alone in this effort and that other people have ideas that could help me, too. For me, I walked to the subway feeling a bit stronger, a bit healthier, as if we had created energy together that we both could use to help us with our day.

In discussing the ways we help ourselves, we also managed to help each other, one father to another.

Today, I am 36 years old.

I never thought I would live this long.

I certainly never thought my life would ever be like this.

When I look at my Okapis and think about what they think about age, about how old I seem to them, I can remember thinking my parents were so old, that no one could live that long. But that’s not what I mean. (more…)