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Posted on Tuesday 20 June 2006
Dear Parenting editor,
I am writing in response to your June 2006 article entitled, Inside the mind of a dad by Fernanda Moore. For a magazine that calls itself Parenting, yet whose tagline is What really matters to Moms, I have come to expect a certain ignorance of the issues of men and fathers - I always find myself hoping against hope that you will decide to focus more on fathers and the partnership between mothers and fathers. But I was overwhelmed by how condescending and obnoxious this particular piece was. Now I certainly understand that not all men are great fathers – just like not all mothers are great ones either. And while the first two paragraphs and the last two paragraphs manage to avoid the condescending tone in the rest of the piece, the actual lesson section of the article was disturbing in its treatment of fathers and their role as parents.
It is as if fathers are just extras, as if they have no contribution to the decisions about schedules, about discipline, about routines. If it really is the “mother’s schedule†or the “mother’s routine†then there are bigger problems than whether dad gets the kids riled up before bedtime. Why is it assumed that everything was developed by the mother and the father is just supposed to follow whatever she defines as correct and appropriate parenting behavior?
Study after study has shown that fathers contribute an enormous amount to the emotional and physical health of our children. Fathers are not just space-fillers between the times Mommy isn’t around. Fathers play an extremely important role – equal to the role mothers have and any discussion of parenting that involves manipulating the other parent misunderstands the value of parental partnership.
Ironically, I think the intent of the article was a good one. All parents who spend more time with their children than the other need to trust the other parent, need to be able to let that other parent develop their own way of parenting, to let that parent bond with their children in the way that works best for them. My problem was that Parenting tried to make the point by making a joke of fathers, by stereotyping them in an insulting way.
I thought Parenting was better than that quite frankly.
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@*&#$%@!*&@!@*&#!
*standing ovation* This rag didn’t last one year. I called after two issues and told them to cancel it. Hey, I don’t think I got my money back yet, either!
Good for you to point out their mistakes. The artical is totally insulting. It reads like Cosmo for Parents. (Sorry to all you Cosmo lovers.)
Great post, Jeremy. I’ll go ahead and cop to the fact that I don’t wake up when the kids cry. However, I also can barely hear someone speaking in a conversational tone even when they’re right next to me. I’m goddamn deaf, OK?
The thing about fathers failing to follow the mother’s schedule is not only insulting to fathers, but also discounts all the decades of stuggle on the parts of many great women and men for equality of the sexes. Do they really wnat to promote women as the propper masters of all things domestic? This actuallly made me want to punch my computer screen.
I started to get mad again at the title of the portion about fathersw being insufficiently vigilant, until realized that they are actually saying that it’s good if we let the kids take risks that the moms would not. I agree with that. However, if I were a mom, I’d be pissed to have been pigeon-holed as some kind of risk-averse, overly-protective, June Cleaver type.
Consider making myself useful? I won’t multi-task? I call bull shit!
I expect a medal for doing once, what mothers do every day? God! Who are these people talking about. This is infuiating.
I do, however, fully intend to play rough with my son (and with my daughter too, when she’s old enough) every day, for as long as they’re interested. I can’t believe that publication has an audiance. How depressing.
I saw an AOL link saying “Super Dads” on Fathers Day. I clicked and got this disgusting article. No respect even on our special day. I am a a single father raising two boys with serious problems. My son’s teacher told me I was an inspiration to her and other teachers for the way I have been working with my autistic son. According to “Parenting”, that means squat.
I really enjoyed this article. found it insightful and entertaining. I look forward to reading more articles by Fernanda Moore.