Parenthood.com has recently published Jeremy’s article, entitled Help Your Child Conquer Her Fears. The article, as the title suggests, helps parents be there for their children and the fears they experience.
Jeremy includes the five key things to remember when dealing with your children and their fears:
- Redirect her attention away from the fear and onto happier thoughts.
- Provide unconditional support, no matter how many times your child comes to you with a fear.
- Reassure him while you model how he can soothe himself.
- Offer a small physical object that makes her feel connected to you or to home.
- Never tease a child about her fears.
Check out the article for details on all five key points. Jeremy concluded the article by saying;
Certain fears may seem irrational or even silly when someone is afraid of something that doesn’t frighten you. But for children, this big world is already a little scary and when they have bumped into something that really frightens them, we can help them by being supportive, encouraging and positive so they can learn to think that way on their own.
Working Mother Magazine quoted Jeremy in their June/July 2012 issue. The article, entitled Low-Tech Table Tactics, is a brief article on how to take advantage of bonding time during dinner and includes tips from Jeremy.
In our topsy-techie world, it’s easy to succumb to digital distractions—smartphones, TV, gaming devices—at the table. You may permit them to help the kids (and you) make it through dinner, but “they mean lost opportunities to build strong family bonds,” says parenting expert Jeremy G. Schneider.
His tips include
- Playing music
- Promoting discussions
- Creating a topic list in case it is hard fro family members to talk
The article is a good reminder that even in the crazy days of school or summer, make dinner special time for you and your family to come together and connect.
ParentGuide News published one of Jeremy’s articles for their Father’s Day special. The article, called The Father-Child Connection, focuses on how Dads can connect with their children even if they are working away from home every day.
Jeremy started with noting one of the most informative research studies he has ever read.
What I found most interesting were findings relating to which parent a child chooses to soothe him or her when hurt or awakened in the middle of the night. The study found that even when the mother worked full-time, 80 percent of the time the child would choose the mom to meet a physical or emotional need. But with a stay-at-home-dad, the children in the study were just as likely to go to the mother as they were to the father. This tells me that despite working full-time, mothers are able to develop bonds strong enough to soothe their children when they are upset— even when mom is away during the day. This made me wonder, “How can we working dads develop similar bonds with our kids?”
If Moms can do it, so can Dads.
Jeremy wrote about how he became the Night Watchman for his kids and how that changed his relationship with them tremendously, and his confidence as a father.
He ends the article with 5 tips for bonding with babies as well as other tips for building a strong connection with your children.
Additional Tips to Foster Father-Child Bonds
- Change into “at-home” clothes after work. This sends a message that you’re in dad mode, not work mode.
- Take over bath duty. Play with your kids while they’re bathing. Then dry them off and get the kids ready for bed.
- Handle all diaper changes when you’re home.
- Feed your children. If they no longer need your help eating, fix their plates, then sit, eat and talk with your kids.
- Take over “tuck-in time” at bedtime as many nights as you can. Develop special nighttime routines that involve reading, singing or cuddling.
- Be the one to soothe kids back to sleep when they wake up in the night.
SchoolFamily.com has published an article on children who have a good track record in school and good behavior, but then get caught cheating called, When Your Child Cheats, Take A Parental Time Out. In the article, they quote Jeremy extensively about the things a parent needs to consider when their child cheats and what it may mean for them and their family.
“Parents need to take a time out for themselves to view their reaction,” says Jeremy Schneider, a New York-based therapist, blogger, and syndicated columnist who specializes in parenting and relationships. “Otherwise, we go off on [the child] because we’re embarrassed, angry, whatever, and end up adding fuel to a fire that might not be there.”
It is important to understand how your child got to the point where they felt cheating was the best option for them to solve their problem.
“There could be time-management issues that she needs help thinking through. There’s so much pressure [for teens] to succeed at such an early age now, vs. getting the skills they need—mentally and emotionally—to succeed in life.”
Parents may also need to think about any pressure we’ve been adding to our children’s lives.
Another factor is that kids want their parents to be proud of them. “They feel an added pressure to prove us right,” Schneider says. “And when they aren’t able to, they want to save us from that experience [of them not doing well], but sometimes without thinking through the consequences.
“It’s hard to remember how our kids view us,” he adds. “Not as people, but as all-powerful beings. A sense of desperation to avoid [letting parents down] can lead to cheating.”
When good kids cheat, it is more a symptom of a larger problem, than the actual problem itself. By addressing the larger issues, there is a very good chance we can prevent the cheating from ever happening again.
Green Child Magazine recently published an article Jeremy wrote called, Managing Kids and Technology; The Importance of Family Time. The article goes into detail about messages parents might be sending their children without even realizing it and specific steps they can take to send more conscious messages about technology and family time.
All parents—moms and dads—who stay at home with their kids for long stretches of time need all of the peer support (virtual and in-person) that they can get. The question becomes, when is the best time for you to get that support? Do you try to restrict it to when your kids are taking a nap, playing with friends, or engaged in homework and aren’t aware that you’re using a device? Or do you immediately take a call, or respond to texts or emails when you’re with your kids, without any explanation as to why?
Jeremy goes further to say, “Most of us have jobs where there is ALWAYS more to do. Will we ever really be able to accomplish enough where we can avoid worrying about whatever is next? Probably not. I do think that there are some steps we can take to lessen our work-related stress and keep it from running over into parenting time.”
Check out the article for more information on his 4 tips listed below;
- Keep a To-Do List
- Give yourself a break
- Make room for transitioning between work and family
When we prioritize family time, it becomes easier to remember to leave our “smartphone” in our purse or pocket and enjoy the time with our family.
Momarama has published a piece on limiting screen use in your families called, Too much media? Managing kids’ screen time, and quoted Jeremy in it.
The focus of the piece was to help parents set limits with their children in terms of time spent in front of a screen. Parents don’t need to feel out of control when it comes to how much time their kids spend in front of technology.
“Establish the idea that using technology is a privilege,” Schneider said. “If you set up fairly firm boundaries about how and when technology can be used, this can make things smoother in your house day-to-day because your kids will know what to expect.”
Require kids to do homework and household chores before screen time. Consequences for failing to do so might be to lose screen time for a while. “Extra time can be [given] to recognize good behavior, too,” Schneider said.
Obviously, the more consistent parents are with their children about time spent in front of screens (TV, iGadgets, computers, etc.), the easier it will be for parents to set limits.
The Online Mom posted an article recently entitled, Want your child off the screens? Try turning off yours, which quoted Jeremy helping parents think about how much time they use their own devices and what kind of example that gives their children.
Journalist Debra-Lynn B. Hook gives a personal example of how she uses technology while trying to set limits with her own son and then goes on to explain;
Unfortunately, when you’re a parent, the nuance of social media and technology can’t wait for human evolution and/or for the excitement to die down. Which is where marriage and family therapist and technology expert Jeremy G. Schneider comes in.
Schneider suggests parents take this family tech quiz:
Do you frequently respond to emails (work or personal) while your kids are right next to you?
Do you frequently take time out to post to Facebook or Twitter when you’re with your family?
Do you rush to your computer immediately after dinner to jump back into your online game to unwind at the end of the day?
Do you put in your headphones while you clean up after dinner so that no one can talk to you?
Now consider this: How would your kids answer those questions about you?
Ms. Hook concludes the article with this excellent quote;
Funny how the rules of technology keep changing faster than we can keep up. But the rules of good parenting remain the same.
The challenge for most of us, is remembering the rules of good parenting in the chaos of technology all around us.
This past week, I read several articles talking about ways families can stay connected and how teens rely on their parents for how to behave on the Internet and with mobile devices.
I am the role model for my nine-year old twins in so many ways, of course, it makes sense that they would follow my lead when it comes to technology. Will they spend time hanging out in front of iTunes like I do, listening to music, buying new songs, updating playlists? Probably.
But will they spend so much of their time texting their friends or updating their status when they get their own phones? Only if my wife and I do. Many parents are upset that their kids spend so much time using their mobile devices when they are supposed to be spending family time.
- Do you frequently deal with emails (work or otherwise) while your kids are right next to you?
- Do you frequently take time out to post to Facebook or Twitter when you’re with your family?
- Most importantly, how would your kids answer those questions?
The truth is, even if I think I don’t use my phone that much, if my kids perceive I do, that’s all that matters. They will learn I don’t truly value my time with them, that it is okay to prioritize our gadgets over our family. As with so many things, if my kids feel that way, whether I think so or not, that is all that matters.
Take some time to open up that discussion with your family. “Do you feel I use my ‘mobile device’ too much?” Maybe you can create a code word to help them remind you to stay with them, a code word you could then use with them when they do the same to you.
Family connectedness is extremely important, but it will take a little work on everyone’s part to help make it special.
According to a recent poll, Moms report that they are still doing more parenting than Dads. In fact, Moms report they spend 3 more hours a day parenting than Dads do.
That’s a lot of time.
And a great opportunity for Dads to be more involved.
No matter the reason, this is a chance for Dads to get more involved in the lives of their children and a chance for Moms to get much needed down time so they can take care of themselves.
Two quick tips to help Dads be more involved:
- Can you take your kids to school one day a week? Yes, schedules are challenging, but if you can get them ready in the morning and take them to school once a week, you will find yourself sharing some very special moments with your kids. Special moments are golden.
- Can you put them to bed several times a week? Particularly if you have to be at work earlier in the morning, putting your kids to bed is a great way to spend time with your kids. You can help them get ready, read to them and then tuck them in. Not only is this another opportunity for special time together, it will give your partner time for herself to relax and unwind.
There are certainly other ways to be more involved, but starting with taking them to school and putting them to bed will make a huge difference for your entire family.
CJAD Radio in Montreal, Canada interviewed Jeremy Schneider on a recent study about stress and children. Kim Fraser asked questions about if parents’ stress can affect children (which it certainly can), if we should share financial stress with our children … Continue reading