“Parents need to take a time out for themselves to view their reaction,” says Jeremy Schneider, a New York-based therapist, blogger, and syndicated columnist who specializes in parenting and relationships. “Otherwise, we go off on [the child] because we’re embarrassed, angry, whatever, and end up adding fuel to a fire that might not be there.”

It is important to understand how your child got to the point where they felt cheating was the best option for them to solve their problem.

“There could be time-management issues that she needs help thinking through. There’s so much pressure [for teens] to succeed at such an early age now, vs. getting the skills they need—mentally and emotionally—to succeed in life.”

Parents may also need to think about any pressure we’ve been adding to our children’s lives.

Another factor is that kids want their parents to be proud of them. “They feel an added pressure to prove us right,” Schneider says. “And when they aren’t able to, they want to save us from that experience [of them not doing well], but sometimes without thinking through the consequences.

“It’s hard to remember how our kids view us,” he adds. “Not as people, but as all-powerful beings. A sense of desperation to avoid [letting parents down] can lead to cheating.”

When good kids cheat, it is more a symptom of a larger problem, than the actual problem itself. By addressing the larger issues, there is a very good chance we can prevent the cheating from ever happening again.

All parents—moms and dads—who stay at home with their kids for long stretches of time need all of the peer support (virtual and in-person) that they can get. The question becomes, when is the best time for you to get that support? Do you try to restrict it to when your kids are taking a nap, playing with friends, or engaged in homework and aren’t aware that you’re using a device? Or do you immediately take a call, or respond to texts or emails when you’re with your kids, without any explanation as to why?

Jeremy goes further to say, “Most of us have jobs where there is ALWAYS more to do. Will we ever really be able to accomplish enough where we can avoid worrying about whatever is next? Probably not. I do think that there are some steps we can take to lessen our work-related stress and keep it from running over into parenting time.”

Check out the article for more information on his 4 tips listed below;

1. Keep a To-Do List
2. Give yourself a break
3. Prioritize
4. Make room for transitioning between work and family

When we prioritize family time, it becomes easier to remember to leave our “smartphone” in our purse or pocket and enjoy the time with our family.

The focus of the piece was to help parents set limits with their children in terms of time spent in front of a screen. Parents don’t need to feel out of control when it comes to how much time their kids spend in front of technology.

“Establish the idea that using technology is a privilege,” Schneider said. “If you set up fairly firm boundaries about how and when technology can be used, this can make things smoother in your house day-to-day because your kids will know what to expect.”

Require kids to do homework and household chores before screen time. Consequences for failing to do so might be to lose screen time for a while. “Extra time can be [given] to recognize good behavior, too,” Schneider said.

Obviously, the more consistent parents are with their children about time spent in front of screens (TV, iGadgets, computers, etc.), the easier it will be for parents to set limits.

Journalist Debra-Lynn B. Hook gives a personal example of how she uses technology while trying to set limits with her own son and then goes on to explain;

Unfortunately, when you’re a parent, the nuance of social media and technology can’t wait for human evolution and/or for the excitement to die down. Which is where marriage and family therapist and technology expert Jeremy G. Schneider comes in.

Schneider suggests parents take this family tech quiz:

Do you frequently respond to emails (work or personal) while your kids are right next to you?

Do you frequently take time out to post to Facebook or Twitter when you’re with your family?

Do you rush to your computer immediately after dinner to jump back into your online game to unwind at the end of the day?

Do you put in your headphones while you clean up after dinner so that no one can talk to you?

Now consider this: How would your kids answer those questions about you?

Ms. Hook concludes the article with this excellent quote;

Funny how the rules of technology keep changing faster than we can keep up. But the rules of good parenting remain the same.

The challenge for most of us, is remembering the rules of good parenting in the chaos of technology all around us.

I am the role model for my nine-year old twins in so many ways, of course, it makes sense that they would follow my lead when it comes to technology. Will they spend time hanging out in front of iTunes like I do, listening to music, buying new songs, updating playlists? Probably.

But will they spend so much of their time texting their friends or updating their status when they get their own phones? Only if my wife and I do. Many parents are upset that their kids spend so much time using their mobile devices when they are supposed to be spending family time.

However…

• Do you frequently deal with emails (work or otherwise) while your kids are right next to you?
• Do you frequently take time out to post to Facebook or Twitter when you’re with your family?
• Most importantly, how would your kids answer those questions?

The truth is, even if I think I don’t use my phone that much, if my kids perceive I do, that’s all that matters. They will learn I don’t truly value my time with them, that it is okay to prioritize our gadgets over our family. As with so many things, if my kids feel that way, whether I think so or not, that is all that matters.

Take some time to open up that discussion with your family. “Do you feel I use my ‘mobile device’ too much?” Maybe you can create a code word to help them remind you to stay with them, a code word you could then use with them when they do the same to you.

Family connectedness is extremely important, but it will take a little work on everyone’s part to help make it special.

That’s a lot of time.

And a great opportunity for Dads to be more involved.

No matter the reason, this is a chance for Dads to get more involved in the lives of their children and a chance for Moms to get much needed down time so they can take care of themselves.

Two quick tips to help Dads be more involved:

1. Can you take your kids to school one day a week? Yes, schedules are challenging, but if you can get them ready in the morning and take them to school once a week, you will find yourself sharing some very special moments with your kids. Special moments are golden.
2. Can you put them to bed several times a week? Particularly if you have to be at work earlier in the morning, putting your kids to bed is a great way to spend time with your kids. You can help them get ready, read to them and then tuck them in. Not only is this another opportunity for special time together, it will give your partner time for herself to relax and unwind.

There are certainly other ways to be more involved, but starting with taking them to school and putting them to bed will make a huge difference for your entire family.

Jeremy talked about how important it is for parents to manage our own stress for two main reasons.

1. The better parents are able to manage our own stress, the less of an impact it has on our children
2. The better parents are able to manage our own stress, the more we teach our children about managing theirs and give them the tools to do so.

You can listen to the interview in its entirety by clicking on the screenshot below.

The quandary involved teenagers coming over to a house to watch Glee. The mother, called Sylvia in the article, prepared the basement so the teens could watch down there. She had checked on them and they seemed fine, but she received reports from her daughter that a couple of the kids seemed “drunk” though the mother was not convinced her younger daughter knew what that really meant.

The next day one of her teenage daughter’s friends remarked that she thought two of the boys had been drinking–possibly before they even had gotten to the house (since there was no alcohol for the teens to drink in the basement).

The quandary was should the mother tell the parents of the two boys–especially considering the mother of one of the boys in question picked up her son after the Glee party. Jeremy’s full response was

Sylvia seems to have done quite a bit to prepare an environment for her kids’ friends so they could enjoy Glee together safely. There’s no way she can control what they do before or after they are at her house. Should she have checked in on them while they were watching the show–especially after her daughter reported them acting weird? Maybe. But her daughter confirmed that they weren’t drinking in the basement; should Sylvia kick the boys out for “acting strangely” in front of her daughter and her friends? If she had seen evidence of them drinking, there would be a stronger reason to contact the boys’ parents. But especially since one of the boys’ parents actually saw them immediately after the gathering, there is no reason to contact the parents.

She can sleep peacefully at night knowing she did well as a parent that night.

When stress gets the best of you in December, it may be time to take a step back, slow down and refocus. Jeremy G. Schneider, a New York-based family therapist and father of 9-year-old twins, said he struggles with balancing not only holiday gatherings and shopping but also four family birthdays in December. “There’s pressure to get gifts, there’s financial pressures to somehow pay for it all, there’s obligations to family and friends and work parties and we lose sight of what the holidays are about,” Schneider said. “But that has made us focus even more on taking time out for ourselves.” Schneider opted to take his family on vacation during the holidays one year to slow down the stress of the holidays. “We went to Disney World to get away from it all and just spent some time together, the four of us.”

They also discussed ways to reduce the financial cost of the holidays, which can reduce the emotional toll as well.

Finding ways to minimize the cost of Christmas has also helped the Schneiders reduce stress and maintain holiday cheer. “We do things to minimize costs, such as a Secret Santa-like gift giving, so we don’t buy presents for everyone in all of our families, and we set a strict limit to the price of the gift.”

Sure, all of your child’s extra-curricular activities seem important. Who wouldn’t want their kid to know how to swim or play the piano or skate?

But once you’re a few months into the school year, you may start to see signs that your child is too busy. So how do you know if you’ve passed the over-programmed tipping point with your kids? And what can you do about it if you have?

The article goes into 5 signs and some suggestions for what to do if your child is too busy.

Babble.com, one of the bigger parenting sites and recently acquired by Disney, published many of the tips Jeremy suggested in the article on their own website.

As therapist Jeremy Schneider notes in his column for The Star, “Parents feel remiss that they’re not being good parents if their kids aren’t in all kinds of activities,” wrote Alvin Rosenfeld, M.D., a child psychiatrist and author of The Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap said in a recent Psychology Today article. “Children are under pressure to achieve, to be competitive. I know sixth-graders who are already working on their resumes so they’ll have an edge when they apply for college.”

Who knows what next week will bring?