How Can We Know What Is Great About Being A Parent Before We Have Kids?

There were so many things I didn’t know about being a Dad before my Okapis were born. The list of changes is enormous, the impact in my life extraordinary–and it keeps growing. My kids are now ten (and a half) years old and I recently learned a couple of new ones.

I’ve loved music for as long as I can remember. It’s not just love either. Music is part of my life, how I experience the world and myself, how I connect with my own feelings and thoughts, how I recover from the chaos of life and how I show love to my wife. It’s not surprising our kids love music as well.

What has been surprising is how it feels to help them connect to music. When we are in the car and we are listening and all singing along to a song I recently bought, it feels wonderful, like I am bringing joy to my family, sharing my love. Helping my children create their own playlists, helping them to find new music, seeing how they do it on their own feels so wonderful because I know they are incorporating a tool, a healthy resource for them to deal with the chaos life can throw us, the challenges they will face, the joy and love they will experience. Hopefully, they will never need music the way I so desperately did, but they have a connection to it and I feel a strange sense of accomplishment–even though I did not plan this.

As I write this my kids have been in Ecuador for two weeks. Gem and I have had a wonderful time, cooking together every night, making changes to the house, watching Netflix, and not having to worry about the time…the rush of homework, dinner, getting ready for bed, getting them up in the morning, etc. Quite relaxing.

But, of course, we miss them. We’re both ready for them to come home this week, but we won’t see them until we head down there next week. Feels too long, but we know they are having a great experience and we are too. We’ve been texting with them almost every day when they have Wi-Fi (that’s another thing I never imagined, texting with my kids!). Before they left we loaded up their Kindles with books from Amazon and the library, but they are already running out.

Yesterday, I sat down to find more books for them and realized something. Gem has talked about the joy she sometimes feels making dinner for us. Not because cooking is so much fun, but because it is a way of showing her love for us. I feel the same sometimes when I make breakfast on the weekends (which I’ve missed with them so far away).

Getting them books to read, giving them this other resource, helping them to experience the world in another way, to recuperate from the day, is the same thing for me. I like getting them books, because it is another way I can show I love them, how special they are to me. And even better, it is another way we can connect together. A couple of months ago I started reading a series of books (I Am Number Four) and when I finished I thought Lucas would really like it and I shared it with him. He loved it! How many enjoyable conversations did we have with him telling me what part he read, us reading the same books at the same time, talking about what happened.

If someone would’ve told me that I would love getting books for my kids and would thoroughly enjoy sharing the books I love with them, I couldn’t ever have pictured it, let alone believed it.

I think that’s the challenge of becoming a parent. How can you understand something you have never experienced? So much of what is special about it, isn’t humanly possible to comprehend when you don’t have a child you have already fallen in love with.

Ten (and a half) years into it now, and the good things keep on coming.

Posted in Anecdotal, Bonding, Growing Up and tagged , , , .

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