Life Can Be Both Hard AND Good!

We were sold a bill of goods when we were kids. Most of us grew up believing that being a child was so hard and that once we became an adult life would become much easier. I think many of us looked at our parents and didn’t see how hard work was, didn’t see how challenging relationships can be, didn’t know how stressful it can be to be an involved parent. As kids we didn’t understand how hard our parents worked to try and deal with all that life threw their way. To us, as children, it seemed pretty easy.

The problem with that is most of us grew up thinking life should be easier as an adult. But alas, life is not at all easy. What makes this all even worse, is many of us then judge ourselves on the fact that our life seems so challenging.

If my life is so hard, then I must be doing something wrong.

Therein lies the rub.

One of the most challenging things for me to remember (and I am still working on it), is that just because we experience the complexities of our adult lives as partners, parents, friends, individuals, employees, etc. doesn’t mean that it is bad.

There’s a great saying, “Happiness is not the absence of problems. It is the ability to deal with those problems.”

We need to try and move away from judging ourselves harshly that we have problems. Of course, we have problems. This life, especially when you are working to make it better, is hard! We’re trying to be better as people, better as partners, better as parents, caring intensely about what we do and who we are. Of course, that is going to be hard! Not to mention work challenges and financial issues, as well. Not to mention the running around we do and the limited time we have to take care of ourselves for whatever comes next.

The fact that we have problems isn’t a sign that something is wrong. The fact that we have problems means we are living this life the best we can.

But are you having any fun?

Do you feel the love of your family and friends?

To help make this transition from thinking “If this life is hard then something is wrong” to “Life can be both hard and still good” we need to make more of (or take better advantage of) the time we have to ourselves.

For instance, do you commute or run errands or take lunch alone? This could be an excellent time to focus on yourself, on the things you want and need, for seeing how you feel and are experiencing the world. Listening to music that makes you feel good. Reading a good book. Drawing or writing about your feelings, giving yourself time to process and express your feelings can do wonders for helping you to realize, yes, this is hard, but there is some good stuff here and I want to enjoy it.

What if we were happy, but didn’t realize it? What if we realized we were both overwhelmed and happy with our lives? I bet you could minimize a little of the sense of being overwhelmed, reduce the judging that life shouldn’t be so hard and increase the awareness of the happiness and love in your life.

It starts with taking a little more time for yourself to connect to the good you already have in your life.

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The Opportunities of Dinner Together–Without Screens

While we were out to dinner recently, we saw a couple sit with their two kids, maybe 10 and 12 years old and each child pulled out a device and headphones and put them on. What kind of message does that send about family time and talking together?

I can talk a good game about how much screen time kids should have, but I know our kids play with iTouches, computers and watch TV–more than they should (whatever that means). Screens are a part of our lives and I’m not trying to rid our life of them. But it got me thinking about when they are appropriate.

While talking with Gem about it in the car, I realized what worries me. In the last week, Gem and the kids and I had some fascinating discussions at the breakfast/dinner table. We had a great talk about making sure they let us know about any pain they feel (our daughter had an appendectomy last month). We talked about what to do when someone is sitting Shiva (the wife of someone in my office recently died). In fact, late last Spring, we had a great discussion about school which led us to send them to a different school this year because they were so unhappy at the last one.

The way I think about it is that screens aren’t bad. But screens keep us from interacting with each other. Anytime we watch dinner in front of the TV, we lose the chance at a conversation. Anytime, someone uses their phone or device at the table, they aren’t present with the family. Certainly once in awhile, having dinner in front of a good movie, cuddled on the couch, is lovely.

But I think about what eating together means to our family and what it would mean if we didn’t share that time together. When we sit down at the table we don’t plan the discussion, but we know it is a chance for anyone in our family to share what has been going on with them–good or bad. I can talk about a big project at work. Gem can tell us about a workshop she did that day. The kids can tell us something that happened during their day. But the best part always is the reactions and the questions that come out up and seeing where the conversation goes. Some nights it is just an interesting conversation. And some nights, we find ourselves with the chance to remind our children of something very important based on the new direction of our conversation. Sometimes it is sex or drugs or drinking. Sometimes it is what is a good friend or how to deal with problems. Sometimes it is about my past and how different things are for me now. It is never what we expected, but always of value.

A screen prevents all of this from happening. I like to think that as our kids get older, things might happen to them during the day and they might think, Oh, I can talk about this at dinner. If it works out like that, both Gem and I would be tremendously excited.

But even right now, what happens at dinner is always better than what happens on any screen.

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Guest Dad Post: Teaching While Learning At The Same Time

By Tom King

The beauty – and terror- of pre-school kids is they are still unpolluted by the larger world.  Whatever comes from them is almost 100% the direct result- forget byproduct – of what we as parents have put into them.

So recently when my son was angry I saw myself reflecting back and could tell he was struggling (like his Dad) to communicate and cope with the frustration.  I decided to try help him through it while also giving him a “tool” to use for the future.  I said, “It looks like you have Angry Ghosts in your eyebrows!  How can you get rid of them?”

This immediately both confused him and piqued his interest.  He started thinking through the options.  Here was his list:

- Grunt it out

- Fart it out (he’s 5)

- Jump it out

- Run it out

- Laugh it out

- Pull it out

In talking him through this exercise, we both connected in a way that was less threatening to him and less intimidating for me.  He’s learning coping mechanisms- but the truth is, so am I.  There really is power in teaching.

In my work, I’ve noticed the order in which I do things is often as important as the tasks themselves.  Many times, it is more important.  True success, however, doesn’t come until and unless I hit both.  So, here is the prioritized steps list my son and I agreed upon for getting rid of angry eyebrow ghosts:

1. Blow them out

2. Talk them out

3. Sing it out

He has an amazing imagination.  I can’t wait to hear about the songs he makes up along the way, but I’m hoping he learns something it has taken me a lifetime to sort through- creativity can be a curse as much as it can be a blessing.   Steps 1 & 2 are so important to finding real happiness within myself as well as  others.

Parenting is an amazing thing; we literally have to teach these little people everything and at times it is overwhelming.  It takes constant reminders to myself that if Step 1 doesn’t work, all that needs to be done is go to the next step and trust everything will be ok- or at least we’ve done the best we can.

The impact of this exercise paid immediate dividends for both of us.  By the end of our conversation he was laughing and I wasn’t riddled with anxiety over how to relieve him of his pain.  Truth is, that’s not my job, anyway.

Like all things with parenting, we will see if it sticks- but in the meantime, there is no question we’ve both learned something.

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New School, New Schedule, New Feelings

The chaos of the first full week of school is behind us and the chaos of the second week has begun, though maybe slightly less chaotic. Our kids are in a new school, and for the first time in their lives, are taking a school bus. This, of course, also means that they are getting up much earlier in the morning and we are all adjusting to a new morning routine.

After a couple of days, Gem was driving me to the train station and was sad that it feels so anticlimactic to let the bus take them to school, after five years of taking them to school herself.

“There isn’t a sense of closure, of dropping them off at school and being sure they got there safely,” she explained.

I could understand that.

Sadly, in five years I probably took my kids to school at most ten times a year, because it usually meant getting to work about an hour late. My wife bore the weight of the responsibility of taking them, but also the privilege of seeing them off everyday, making sure they got to school safely and on time. She thoroughly enjoyed it.

She also gets to pick them up from school, which I’ve done even less than I’ve taken them to school. I’ve tried to work out schedules with my office to take them to school more regularly, but it never works out.

I know I’m a good father and I love my children and spend as much time with them as a I can, but there is something so fundamental about taking them to school and picking them up that I’ve missed out on for so many years and it is an ache in my heart that no amount Motrin can relieve.

For years I took them to bed every night, or most nights. For years I was the Night Watchman, looking over my children when they woke up in the middle of night needing Daddy. But they no longer need me like that anymore. Very rarely do we hear the pitter-patter of feet into our bedroom in the dark.

What my kids need from me now is very different. Their needs are more emotional and intellectual. Can I help them with homework? Can I help them ease their worries? They can meet most of their core needs, like eating and sleeping, on their own.

One of the few core physical things they still need from us parents is getting them to school, where they learn new things, make friends, and begin to deal with the world as their own people. Besides us, nothing impacts them more than what happens at school. Going to school is a big event and a very important and dramatic time in their life.

And for years I was missing out on taking them.

Now, even though my morning is all discombobulated, I get to help with lunch and make sure their waters are ready and that they have everything in their backpacks. The best part, however, is walking out with them, saying hello to Lisa, their bus driver, and giving them one more hug and kiss before they get on the bus to school. Instead of leaving for work feeling as if I’ve left one of my most important roles undone, I feel like I’ve completed my job as Daddy for the morning.

It’s a nice feeling.

The next day, when Gem took me to the train station, I tried to explain to her that even though it was sad for her, I loved being able to see them off to school since I’ve never been able to do that consistently before.

“I hadn’t thought of that. Somehow, that makes me feel better,” she replied sweetly.

After five years of missing out on this experience, helping my kids off get onto the school bus every day has eased the little ache in my heart.

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Am I Still the Night Watchman?

I am the Night Watchman. I’ve been the Night Watchman since my kids were about 18 months old. Because I worked in the City all day, I didn’t have much time with them when they were awake and both Gem and I were concerned I wasn’t building as strong a connection to them as I wanted. Our solution was for me to become the Night Watchman.

Anything that happened after we put them to bed was my responsibility. If they had trouble falling asleep or if they woke up because they had a nightmare or didn’t feel well or whatever the reason, I was the one who went to them, helped them feel better and soothed them back to sleep.

It was a job I loved.

The chance to be there for my children, to show them I could also take care of them and meet their needs and make them feel safe changed my relationship with them. It also gave me confidence that I can help them when they need help. It gave me the sense that no matter what was bothering them, I could help them feel better.

But I just learned I can’t be the Night Watchman in another language.

Dorit, our daughter, recently had an emergency appendectomy in Quito, Ecuador. Thankfully, both Gem and I were there with her, but it was so hard and frustrating for me because my Spanish is okay enough to have a conversation; it is nowhere near good enough to deal with medical and administrative issues in that language.

Nurses and doctors would come in and ask her questions and I couldn’t help her answer them. I didn’t know what they were doing to her and I couldn’t let them know exactly what was bothering her. I could hold her hand while they inserted the needle for the IV and I bought her flowers and balloons to brighten up her room during her stay.

But it has been almost a decade since I felt so incompetent and useless as a dad. A feeling I didn’t enjoy the first time around and certainly didn’t enjoy now.

I know that Dorit doesn’t look at me with less respect or love because I don’t know Spanish well enough. She’s healing and getting better and you almost couldn’t tell she had surgery to remove one of her organs a few days ago. But I know, for the first time in a very long time, I didn’t meet the challenge of being her Daddy, and that insight will take me some time to recover from.

I suspect this is just the beginning of events in my children’s lives where I won’t be able to protect them the way I could (or at least felt I could) at night when they were young. They almost never wake up in the middle of the night anymore. But they do have to deal with bullies and mean teachers and things that feel too hard or too overwhelming. They will have their hearts broken.

I can’t protect them from the chaos of our world. But maybe loving them, reminding them of how wonderful I think they are, helping them think through their problems to figure out some possible solutions, maybe this is more of my role now.

Right now that doesn’t feel like enough, but maybe it actually is and is probably what they need me to be. I’m not giving up the role of Night Watchman, but it seems as if my responsibilities are changing.

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How Can We Know What Is Great About Being A Parent Before We Have Kids?

There were so many things I didn’t know about being a Dad before my Okapis were born. The list of changes is enormous, the impact in my life extraordinary–and it keeps growing. My kids are now ten (and a half) years old and I recently learned a couple of new ones.

I’ve loved music for as long as I can remember. It’s not just love either. Music is part of my life, how I experience the world and myself, how I connect with my own feelings and thoughts, how I recover from the chaos of life and how I show love to my wife. It’s not surprising our kids love music as well.

What has been surprising is how it feels to help them connect to music. When we are in the car and we are listening and all singing along to a song I recently bought, it feels wonderful, like I am bringing joy to my family, sharing my love. Helping my children create their own playlists, helping them to find new music, seeing how they do it on their own feels so wonderful because I know they are incorporating a tool, a healthy resource for them to deal with the chaos life can throw us, the challenges they will face, the joy and love they will experience. Hopefully, they will never need music the way I so desperately did, but they have a connection to it and I feel a strange sense of accomplishment–even though I did not plan this.

As I write this my kids have been in Ecuador for two weeks. Gem and I have had a wonderful time, cooking together every night, making changes to the house, watching Netflix, and not having to worry about the time…the rush of homework, dinner, getting ready for bed, getting them up in the morning, etc. Quite relaxing.

But, of course, we miss them. We’re both ready for them to come home this week, but we won’t see them until we head down there next week. Feels too long, but we know they are having a great experience and we are too. We’ve been texting with them almost every day when they have Wi-Fi (that’s another thing I never imagined, texting with my kids!). Before they left we loaded up their Kindles with books from Amazon and the library, but they are already running out.

Yesterday, I sat down to find more books for them and realized something. Gem has talked about the joy she sometimes feels making dinner for us. Not because cooking is so much fun, but because it is a way of showing her love for us. I feel the same sometimes when I make breakfast on the weekends (which I’ve missed with them so far away).

Getting them books to read, giving them this other resource, helping them to experience the world in another way, to recuperate from the day, is the same thing for me. I like getting them books, because it is another way I can show I love them, how special they are to me. And even better, it is another way we can connect together. A couple of months ago I started reading a series of books (I Am Number Four) and when I finished I thought Lucas would really like it and I shared it with him. He loved it! How many enjoyable conversations did we have with him telling me what part he read, us reading the same books at the same time, talking about what happened.

If someone would’ve told me that I would love getting books for my kids and would thoroughly enjoy sharing the books I love with them, I couldn’t ever have pictured it, let alone believed it.

I think that’s the challenge of becoming a parent. How can you understand something you have never experienced? So much of what is special about it, isn’t humanly possible to comprehend when you don’t have a child you have already fallen in love with.

Ten (and a half) years into it now, and the good things keep on coming.

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Is There Such A Thing As A Perfect Day?

I think in this crazy world we live in, it is hard enough to be able to truly enjoy the great experiences we have. It is even more rare to know, in that great experience, that we are experiencing something special. My family and I had one of those days over the weekend.

There were no cries of boredom. There were no outbursts. In addition we spent almost no money and watched no screens. But we spent most of the day together and it was lovely.

My wife had to work in the morning and Lucas had his NYSSMA evaluation (Dorit had her’s the night before). The both did great, thankfully, and with NYSSMA behind us and the horrible New York standardized tests, I think we all felt a sense of relief that was as palpable as the warm weather we had that day as well.

We played catch outside for a little, they skated on their ripstiks, and we played some more. Then they started drawing with chalk on the driveway (making a beautiful drawing of a woman with long flowing hair). I pulled up a chair and sat and talked with them while they drew and I knew already it was a special day.

“I’m having such a great day with you guys. I love you.” I’m mushy like that if you didn’t already know.

And the look they gave me is one of the greatest feelings I have as a dad. They looked at me like they felt the same way and it meant the world to them that I also felt this way, that being with them could make me feel good. That look is always a strong reminder of the power we have as parents; they don’t realize the impact and effect they have on us but when they do they feel better and empowered. I think it gives them a better sense of value, that they have an effect on us.

Shortly thereafter my wife came home and I handed her the baton so I could go for a bike ride. When I left they were hanging out in the front yard, basking in the day.

When I returned almost two hours later, it looked as if they hadn’t moved. They were playing Scrabble and had done some more drawing and had a little picnic of fruits and cheese under our cherry blossom trees.

The only negative thing about the day was Gem was not feeling well, so she handed the baton back to me and I took the kids to Rita’s for some delicious water ice and we sat and ate and talked, the three of us catching up together. In the car we were listening to Macklemore and Neon Cathedral came on and they wanted to know what the song meant. I tried to explain to them what would make a man want to drink, how life can sometimes be very hard and have a terrible effect on people.

“Do you understand how he feels, Daddy?” one of them asked me.

“I do and I hope you never truly understand this song. Because that would mean you grew up better than I did and that’s what I want for you.”

We continued talking about the song, them asking questions and me answering them the best I could. My kids and I really connect over music and the meaning of songs sometimes brings up great topics for us to discuss, things I might not have thought or would not know how to bring up without music as inspiration.

On the way back, we stopped off at the supermarket, because I had the idea we could make a fire in our fire pit and roast hot dogs and make s’mores. Normally, our kids are not happy or helpful at the supermarket, but that day they were awesome, each holding a basket, grabbing the stuff we needed and carrying them no matter how heavy they got (maybe we should always go to Rita’s before the supermarket?).

Back at home, Gem was feeling a bit better and she joined us at the fire and we had hot dogs and corn and s’mores and marshmallows and listened to more Macklemore and the warmth of the fire could not match the warmth of our love that night.

I love my family and my family loves me. But when we all feel that love for each other together, in everything we do, in everything we say, knowing this time together is the most special of all that we do, there is no better feeling on this planet.

There may not be such a thing as a perfect day, but to me, that was about as close to perfection as I could ever want in my life.

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It’s Possible My Kids Are Addictive

Relationships are tricky. I have spent more than half of my life with my wife and yet we still have things to learn from each other. It comes down to the fact that even though we experience very similar things in our shared lives, we come at them from a different perspective, making each shared experience also a unique one. I recently realized the best example of that while she was away in London.

Gem went on a trip with her best friend to London for a wedding. Not surprisingly, she had a great time (frankly, she could have a great time at anytime and anywhere). But what was wonderful, was the kids and I also had a great time. In fact, the night before she came home, three of us were feeling sad–not because she was coming home, of course, but because we were going to miss this time together. Gem is usually the one who takes them to school and picks them up. I almost never get to do that and I really enjoyed it…and already miss it.

One of the amazing things about Gem is her ability to feel and express her emotions so genuinely. When the kids sleep over somewhere, she misses them. Sometimes if she doesn’t see them after school, she misses them. In fact, she has this way of saying “I miss them” that I can’t do justice in the written form, but trust me, is quite adorable. She places enormous emphasis on “MISS” and it really sounds like she is longing for them.

“I MISS them!”

But to be honest I never understood how she could miss them. She spends more time with them than I do. I have to leave them every day and I didn’t MISS them like that. Yes, I love my children and I miss them when I go to work, but I don’t “MISS them” I don’t think. Maybe I do and I have to put that away or I would never get through the day…that is certainly possible. But I don’t really remember feeling the way she seems to when she is MISSing them.

She had left on a Thursday night and we had an event that night and then I took them to school on Friday morning and picked them up in the afternoon. We spent all day Saturday and most of Sunday just the three of us. On Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights we cuddled on the couch and watched movies together. I took them to school on Monday and picked them up again as well.

On Tuesday, my work had our Annual Meeting and I had to be there. I took them to school, but then went to work and their grandfather picked them up and then took them out to Friendly’s as he does every week. Since I had been out of the office for a couple of days, had come in late and needed to get to the meeting site early in the afternoon, my day was packed and it moved very quickly. By the time the meeting ended, I couldn’t believe how fast the day went.

Then it hit me.

I really missed my kids.

Excuse me, I mean, I MISSed my kids!

I rushed to catch the earliest train I could. Now, normally I am very respectful of my father-in-law’s special time with his grandchildren and almost never intrude on his special trip to Friendly’s. But on that afternoon, MISSing my kids the way I did, I texted and asked him if I could meet them for dinner.

It was on the train when I realized this is how Gem feels when she says “I MISS them.” I had just spent four days with my kids as the only parent and instead of thankful for the chance to get away, I MISSed them.

When Gem came back home this was one of the first things I told her and I think she really appreciated being understood. We have been parents for an equal amount of time, parenting in the same house with the same kids, but this experience had been different for us and now after ten years, we truly understood each other on this issue. I think it helped us be just a little bit closer.

It also made me wonder if our kids have some substance inherent to them that makes them addictive, because the more we spend time with them, the more we want to spend time with them.

What’s that line from the Supremes song? “If there’s a cure for this, I don’t want it.”

I’m happy just the way we are.

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To The Next Dimension – Happy Mother’s Day!

Have you ever felt loved? I mean, truly felt it like a cozy jacket you slip into on a crisp Fall afternoon, surrounding yourself in that feeling as the warmth it provides flows through your whole body? I felt that this morning. It was so palpable, I looked up and thanked God for being able to experience the moment, it was that powerful. I actually put my hands out to my sides awed by how strong my feeling was and thought “This is why we are alive. This is what it is all about.”

Love.

I think most people grew up feeling loved on some level and have no idea what I am talking about, have never really not experienced being loved and thus think the feeling is normal. They are immensely lucky and I hope they know that.

I also think there are people who never felt loved growing up and have no idea there is an entirely other dimension to this life. When you don’t know a feeling exists, it is terribly hard to imagine that feeling is out there. How can you imagine something you have never felt?

I fall into this second category. I grew up never feeling loved and not knowing the difference…until I met Gem, the woman I am lucky to be spending my life with, the woman who has added a new dimension to my life that only gets more profound the longer we are together.

I didn’t know love felt like this. I couldn’t imagine loving a woman like this. I couldn’t imagine loving our children like this. I certainly couldn’t imagine a woman could love me like this. Could not remotely imagine the purity of love our children express to us every day. I never knew this dimension to life existed, like I had been looking at the world in only shades of gray, but Gem bought me a retinal display iPad to view the world.

The world now exists in brilliant hues, colors so bright and beautiful that I wonder how I never saw them before. In college, Gem would exude excitement when she saw the Spring green of the trees come back after a long winter. I could tell it was pretty, but didn’t experience it, didn’t understand.  Now I feel the joy beauty brings me, experiencing the world on that other dimension she has always been a part of.

Stepping into this new dimension of life has clarified what it was I never had growing up.  It is so hard to grow up as a child when you don’t feel loved. It is so hard to build confidence, to believe in yourself, to feel safe, to feel anything good quite frankly, when love is absent.

That is why I have always hated Mother’s Day.

My mother was a pretty terrible mother and Mother’s Day is one of the hardest days of the year for me. I used to joke that it was really my National Day of Mourning. On top of all she did/didn’t do when I was a child, my mother doesn’t speak to me anymore, hasn’t for decades, and that still hurts every day; she is alive, having chosen to live her life without me. The way mothers are revered in our society only serves to remind me what I never had, like when you scrape a scab that was just starting to finally heal. I have spent literally a lifetime trying to recover from what my mother did and have often wished Mother’s Day didn’t exist.

But Gem deserves her own day, celebrating how amazing she is as a mother, how she embodies true love, how she helped me to be able to love and feel love, and how we created our wonderful family together. She is, quite ironically, everything good about Moms. She has renewed my faith in the entire concept.

Lucas, Dorit, and I are so lucky to have her in our lives, to be experiencing this other dimension of life. While I grew up in the second category, not knowing love, our children will grow up in the first, where love is embedded into their lives, intertwined into how they experience life, filling their souls that will hopefully last them a lifetime.

As parents, isn’t that the most we could ask for?

Thanks for taking us to the next dimension, Sweetie. Happy Mother’s Day!

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Saving A Sparrow is Great For Several Reasons

Lucas and I were alone recently and we were standing by the door when all of a sudden he said, “Remember when we saved that bird?”

“I do.”

“That was pretty cool.”

“It really was, wasn’t it?”

Let me start by saying it always feels good when one of my kids remembers something we did together fondly. It is also interesting to see how they interpret events we shared together.

A couple of years ago, Gem and Dorit had gone out and again Lucas and I were spending quality time together (Daddy/Son time as we call it) one weekend morning. It was a cold, wintry day and when I looked out after my wife and daughter had left, I saw something on the ground on our porch. I went out to inspect it more closely and realized it was a sparrow.

It looked almost frozen, like it hadn’t found a warm place to sleep through the night and had become so completely chilled, it no longer was able to move.

For several minutes, Lucas and I watched it through the door, but after a while I knew something was really wrong and I went outside, lifted the bird gently into a basket full of blankets.

Lucas and I watched some more, but even after more time, our little sparrow was not moving or making any progress. That was when I brought it inside.

I placed it on the stairs, inside the basket, cuddled up in the blankets. Somehow Lucas and I got distracted by something else and by the time we returned our little sparrow was feeling much better. Well, maybe it was feeling too good.

It was perched on the basket and as I approached it, instead of thanking us for our efforts to save it, our little sparrow flew upstairs and I started to see how terribly wrong this all could go. Yeah, let’s bring this sickly little bird into our home where it can fly all over the place, wreaking havoc. It’s possible, in hindsight, that I could’ve thought it all through a tad more before I brought the bird inside.

Lucas and I ran after it upstairs and it went into the kids’ room and perched itself atop the curtains. Honestly, the thing I was most worried about was it pooping all over their room and how the heck I was going to explain that to Gem when she got home. Hi Sweetie, we saved a sickly little bird today (and got poop all over the kids’ room, by the way).

Thankfully, that didn’t happen, our recovering bird probably hadn’t eaten in a long time and spared us that…ummm…experience.

But even so, it was quite frustrating trying to shoo the bird back downstairs without hurting it or scaring it too badly since we knew it must be still pretty fragile.

Finally, we were able to get it back into the basket and take the basket outside and let our little patient fly away. When it did, Lucas and I shared a look, impressed with ourselves that we had actually saved a bird that day. What a great feeling!

Because of the way I am, I remember wondering a day or two later, when I didn’t see any dead sparrows on our property, if our little sparrow had made it. Looking back now, that is often what I feel like about parenting. We do so much for our kids, but we just don’t know how this is all going to play out. Sometimes that is quite challenging for me. I would hate to wake up in ten years and find out I’ve actually been doing something that really screwed up my kids when I didn’t mean to in any way, shape or form.

But it is moments like these, when one of my children remind me of a special experience we shared together and I can see a little of the impact I have had on their lives. It is a pretty nice feeling, the memory of our time together and the realization of what it means.

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